Not potentially creepy or discouraging or awkward at all!
I imagine a lot of people feel this way after making a stab at online dating. Am I the degreed professional looking for the similarly educated white collar guy? Am I the performing artist looking for someone to go dancing with? Am I the healer looking for someone who isn’t going to be my client? The truth is, all of these count. So, I decided to try an experiment with Craigslist. I chose Craigslist because it’s text-based rather than photo-based. I suspected photos were working against me in some way I couldn’t perceive. I created three separate ads for Craigslist, all of which were posted within a day of each other. All three ads described me as a degreed professional looking for activity partners, friends, and maybe a relationship if the other two things worked with a bit about my interests and preferences (within five years of my own age, no kids, no habitual drinkers or smokers, creative, active).
- The first described me accurately: gothic, Asian-American, alternative, artistic, inquisitive, intelligent, adventurous.
- The second made no mention of my race at all. The third stated that I was “non-white and non-Christian.”
- The ad that said I was Asian generated approximately 80 responses in about 6 hours, after which Craiglist struck the ad as being a fake. Many if not most of the responses started with something like, “I love Asian” (I’m not kidding) or “Asian women are so sexy.” The content and feel of the responses was overtly sexual and made specific reference to my race as part of the appeal. Keep in mind that none of these ads contained a photo, so for all these guys knew, I could be a dwarf with missing teeth. But, apparently, being Asian is its own draw.
- The ad that did not specify my race drew a small number of responses, all from educated white men. Many of them didn’t write again after I sent them a photo. Did it have to do with an initial assumption that I was white which was then disappointed? I don’t know.
- The third ad, the one full of “nons” - non-white, non-Christian, alternative - generated the best responses: creative, thoughtful guys of a variety of racial and economic backgrounds, all intelligent and interesting. (via race and dating and craigslist | angry asian man)
They were the sweetest, dirtiest talking, weirdest, comic-book-loving, Internet nerding, most breathtakingly cynical, tallest, hard-drinkingest, Proust-readingest, silliest, one-day-I’m-going-to-fuck-all-this-and-be-a-lawyerest, funniest, toughest crowd I’d ever run with.–
I often reflected on the fact that studies show that women, after looking at fashion magazines — full of pictures of girls very much like me, sometimes even pictures of me — feel bad about themselves. I also often wondered why it is, given this fact, that we buy the magazines again next month.– I Am The Anonymous Model - Top - Jezebel
"The youngster wanted to see if the President’s haircut felt like his own." (via Jezebel - Just One Of The Boys - Barack Obama)