"btw someone “dumped” a female peacock around here… she looks lost and lonely… I’m hoping she’ll make friends with the hundreds of turkeys…"
–

My Mother

Things people do to people who live in the Fremont hills


"Rachelle Friedman, a twenty-five year old former dance and aerobics instructor, suffered a tragic injury last year when one of her bridesmaids pushed her into the shallow end of a swimming pool at her bachelorette party. As a result of her accident, Rachelle broke her C6 spinal vertebra and is now a quadriplegic."
–

…

Bridesmaid of the Year Award


AND STAY DOWN

animalsbeingdicks:

Ted thought little Jimmy needed a bath.

Ted thought little Jimmy needed a bath.

"I REALLY AM MAKING SURE THAT I’VE TRIED LIKE 6 TIMES ALREADY HOLLLLLERRRRRR…..I HAVE THE SAME CARD INFORMATION THE SAME BILLING
ADDRESS THE SAME SHIPPING ADDRESS THE SAME SECURITY CODE IT WAS ALL CORRECT INFORMATION I PROVIDED HOLLLLLERRRR…"
– Exscapade

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
–

Flavorwire » Must-Read Excerpts from Snooki’s New Book

Will someone please shoplift this for me?